Book Hangover List

Tomorrow is my birthday. When I was little, I loved my birthday. My parents made it magical. Ask anyone, and one of the first things out of my mouth was the date of my birthday. My cousins loved to tease me because I always said it backwards (at least in the US). “When’s your birthday ,Cam?” they’d ask. “Seventeen November,” I’d answer. I still love my birthday, though as an adult, I don’t struggle to go to sleep the night before excited about presents. Truthfully, now I wouldn’t mind the clock slowing down because I realize how much quicker each birthday arrives.

Speaking of gifts, one of my favorite things to receive are books. So to celebrate, I thought I would share with you the books that have given me a book hangover. You know those books that when you close the cover after the final page, you sit in silence. And sometimes, it’s even hard to move forward, since you’re walking around in that story fog as it lingers. In no particular order, these are books I read that left me reeling in some way (needing a debrief) so that I had to pick up a book in a different genre to read something else.

So in no particular order:

  1. Marcus Zusak’s Bridge of Clay (OMG! I love this book.)

  2. Carlos Ruiz Zaffon’s Shadow of the Wind (Pure magic.)

  3. Sabaa Tahir’s Ember in the Ashes quartet. (The last one is A Sky Beyond the Storm. But I reread the series. Read the whole thing again. Seriously.)

  4. Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner (Dear God… ugly cried.)

  5. Jennifer Niven’s Breathless (Closed the book and felt empowered. My life finally made sense. )

  6. Jeff Zenter’s  In a Wild Light (Every book by Jeff Zentner has given me a book hangover. He has this way of capturing character and then they worm their way into your heart.)

  7. Fredrick Backman’s A Man Called Ove (They’re making a movie of this one. I loved it so much.)

  8. TJ Klune’s The House in the Cerulean Sea (Amazing characters and humor? Can’t go wrong.)

  9. Emily Henry’s Book Lovers (*sigh.)

  10. Mary E Pearson’s Dance of Thieves Duology. (I think about this story all the time. Like I’ll just be washing dishes and think about Kazi and Jase and wonder about their story.)

  11. Rebecca Roanhorse Black Sun (One of the best fantasy novels I’ve read.)

  12. V.E. Schwab’s Darker Shade of Magic (I remember being in awe when I read this. I was just shocked at how perfect this was).

I could add to this list, but it’s what I’ve got for now. Let me know if any of yours are on this list. Or better yet tell me one that isn’t so I can add it to my ever growing TBR.

Advice: Find your People

I was sitting in a high school classroom the other day listening to high school students chat with one another. They sat in clumps, computers open, phones out, some with masks and others without.  Their conversations ranged from processing friendship drama to loud exuberance over a game they’d played the night before. Some begrudged the annoying dress code for an upcoming dance while others focused on an upcoming quiz in math. It made me think about my own experiences at that age and how important it felt to just be in the moment with one’s friends. How important it was to feel as if I had the opportunity to just be myself.

I was seventeen when this was taken.

Only, through my teenage years I never had been. It wasn’t like I didn’t like myself. I did. I just remember being afraid that other people might not like me. I was an introvert in disguise as an extrovert, a chameleon shifting colors to adapt to my needs. All I really wanted to do was be at home writing or reading. I remember feeling like other people wouldn’t be able to relate. They were fun and energetic. They did fun things, went to parties, had significant others. They wore stylish clothes and did well in classes. In hindsight, I was those things too. I didn’t have a boyfriend, but I had friends. Teachers liked me. I worked hard and did well. I was fun and laughed and was very conscious about how I presented myself. Though high school was mostly positive for me, I wouldn’t want to return to high school. College was where I finally began to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I read in this book—The Tattoo by Chris McKinney—about how each person has three suns around which they revolve. Those suns are family, friends, and a significant other. The main character of the book—Kenji—expresses that if two of those suns function in your life, then all’s good, but if two of them fail, you’re screwed. The point being: you must find your tribe.

Some of my favorite stories include the found family trope. The Aurora Cycle by Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman; The Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo, The Raven Cycle by Maggie Steifvater, Fable by Adrienne Young, The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. I love the idea of people finding their tribe. In the new story I’m working on, The Ring Academy: The Trials of Imogene Sol, Imogene’s found family is important as they help her clear her name of a horrible charge that could get her kicked out of the academy.

Coming August 1, 2023

I’m not exactly sure what this blog is about—maybe just a thought dump, but clearly, I’m thinking about “the tribe.” If I could offer a young person any sort of advice it would be that: Find your tribe.

The WHY Behind The Messy Truth About Love

The Messy Truth About Love has been out for over a month now and I waited to write this post to avoid any spoilers, but I think its safe to explore this topic further without harming your reading experience. But in case you want to read The Messy Truth About Love without them, then probably stop reading NOW.

Here are the trigger warnings, just in case you need them

Ready to read more behind-the-scenes? Scroll for more…

When I set out to write The Messy Truth About Love, I had no idea that it was going to dive into an abusive relationship. In fact, since I was writing about Seth (a reoccurring character from The Ugly Truth) I thought his mental health recovery in the midst of his own childhood abuse situation would be as dark as I dove. Only Hannah made me look closer at her relationship with her ex-boyfriend, Sebastian. And suddenly, I was researching abusive relationships and the warning signs.

I’d planned to publish the following “Author’s Note” here, but before I did, in a fortuitous convergence of events, I was listening to a recent episode of Crime Junkies Podcast that aligned with my own purpose. It was the story of Yeardley Love.

Yeardley was a fourth-year college lacrosse player when her life was cut short in a domestic violence event. Her on-and-off-again boyfriend, also a fourth year college lacrosse player, in a fit of drunken rage, attacked her, killing her. He was arrested, found guilty of 2nd degree murder, and sentenced to 23 years in prison. That can’t bring back Yeardley to her loved ones, but they sought to honor her memory. In order to combat the pervasive way domestic violence haunts our society, Yeardley’s family started the One Love Foundation to offer education and support, specifically to college students, as they navigate their relationships. I plan on supporting with a portion of the proceeds from The Messy Truth About Love.

Here’s why (from my Author’s Note):

In 2020 the #blackandwhite challenge circulated on social media. Women posted a black and white picture of themselves to highlight empowered women, only I remember learning after the fact that the impetus of the black and white photos got lost as if we were playing a game of telephone. The origin of that particular “challenge” was rooted in Turkey when women woke up to yet another black and white photo in the newspaper of another murdered woman. This time it was of Pinar Gultekin, a 27-year-old Turkish woman who’d been murdered—strangled, burned, then buried in concrete—by her ex-boyfriend in what was called an “honour killing.” Why? Because she told him “No.” Because she didn’t want to date him. Because she had moved on, he hadn’t and decided to choose for her. The unfortunate reality is that Gultekin’s photo in the newspaper was one of many black and white photos of murdered women in Turkey. Fed up and needing a way to fight back, Turkish women created the black and white photo reminder to increase awareness about the horrifically high femicide rates, specifically in Turkey, at the hands of their intimate partners.

They wanted change.

Pilar Gulekin’s story might have appeared in black and white—a photo and words on the page—but her life was lived in color, in a collection of experiences and relationships that made her a real human. Just like the many other stories and statistics we’re able to access in black and white, but rarely offer the color image. 

Consider these black and white statistics from the United Nations and the World Health Organization:

  • Of the approximately 3.9 billion women in the world, over 736 million of them have been subjected to physical or sexual violence in their lifetime. It roughly estimates to 1 in 3 women though this statistic doesn’t include sexual harassment.

  • Most violence against women is committed by intimate partners or former husbands, and for those women who have been in an intimate relationship, 16% of those women will experience violence perpetrated by their partner against them.

  • In 2020, 81,000 women and girls were killed, and over half of those were at the hands of their intimate partner or other family member (and that’s only the ones we know about). 

  • Less than 40% of women who experience violence at the hands of family or an intimate partner seek help, and less than 10% of those reach out to law enforcement.

  • Globally, violence against women disproportionately affects women in lower-middle- income situations.

I’m a fan of Crime Junkies (the true-crime podcast) and watching true crime documentaries. I’m not exactly sure why that is, though due to their popularity, I know I’m not alone. Though many of these stories shared offer context and work to flesh out the truth for the victim, I wonder if they provide the listener with a voyeuristic ability to stand outside of it. As if we’re passing by a terrible car accident and need to see the gruesome reality but sigh with relief that it didn’t include us. What gets to me about these stories: most of the cases are crimes against women. I wish I was surprised by this, but the unfortunate (and frighteningly pervasive attitude) is that violence against women is the norm, and worse, the undercurrent that somehow it was probably her fault.

No one does black and white voyeurism better than Americans. We’re great about looking at a black and white photo of a woman who’s been murdered in Turkey and distancing ourselves from it. It isn’t in our country, right? 

Except there are black and white statistics that say it is. A study done by Asher and Lyric about women traveling on their own in the world and how they might consider their safety relative to various locations in the world. Asher and Lyric ranked the countries using datapoints that examined things like “walking alone at night,” the country’s “homicide rates against women,” “nonpartner sexual violence,” and “partner sexual violence,” as well as “attitudes about women and violence against women in general.” Out of the 50 countries examined, want to know where the United States lined up? Nineteenth with a C- sandwiched between Tunisia and Ukraine. And get this, the United States ranked 7th highest for intimate partner violence (Only Brazil, Morocco, India, Thailand, Turkey, and Chile ranked higher in that category). Turkey was 5th. 

Take that in for a moment. Turkey—where Pilar Gultekin was killed for telling her former boyfriend “no”—was only two spots higher than the United States.

We want to distance ourselves and claim that kind of violence doesn’t happen in the United States, but those black and white statistics don’t lie, those black and white photos in newspapers, and the words written to offer the latest true-crime story offer us surface level truth. We look closer—and every single one of us should be looking closer—tell us a deeper truth. Each of those faces, every single one of those names, and every statistic is linked to a full-color story.  Like Yeardley Love.

Hannah’s experience in The Messy Truth About Love is meant to showcase the subversive way abuse occurs in an intimate partnership. I’m going to go out on a limb and make the claim that women don’t walk into a relationship thinking it will be or become abusive. Then once immersed in that situation, getting out of it isn’t a black and white solution of just walking away (even if we’d like it to be). How does one leave without financial stability? What if there are children? Does she have supportive friends and family to help her? What if she goes to school with her abuser, like Hannah? And even if a woman leaves, what if their partner doesn’t get the message? What if he doesn’t adhere to the law? Or what if there aren’t any laws to protect her?

Hannah’s experience in this story is mild (I needed a positive and hopeful ending, folks). She’s a singular perspective. The truth is that the women most adversely affected by these black and white statistics are women of color, women immersed in low socio-economic circumstances, trans women. I can’t trivialize women’s experiences to say that their stories all wind up hopeful and positive like Hannah’s. There are too many cold-case files, too many murders, too many statistics, too many young children without mothers, too many stories to say that women’s stories aren’t happy or hopeful. It’s heartbreaking.

I need hope.  

And yet, I don’t have anything very hopeful to offer with respect to this issue. I don’t have that glimmer of light to say: “Look! We can get better.” Only after I wrote this, our nation’s highest court overturned the landmark Roe versus Wade reversing women’s bodily autonomy. So my hope meter feels like it’s running a little low. Why? While body rights may seem a separate issue from intimate partner violence, they aren’t that disparate. Both issues communicate an attitude about women and where her agency lies, both of which say it’s outside of her own autonomy and in the hands of someone else. As Americans we want to distance ourselves and say intimate partner violence isn’t an American problem, but it is. It’s a national problem. It’s a global problem.

If you are a woman in trouble, please reach out. Here are some national resources for you:

https://www.thehotline.org/ or 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

https://www.rainn.org/ or 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

https://www.joinonelove.org/ (a great resources to temperature check your own relationship. There’s an app as well and everything is confidential.

Please call 9-1-1 if you are in immediate danger





My Top 5 of My Own Books

A question I get a lot: Which of your books is your favorite? I usually say “That’s like trying to choose your favorite child.” It’s an impossible question, but it’s also a fair one. Each book requires something different, a little more joy in some ways, a little more work in others. Sweat and tears in different ways that inform the process. So, because of that, there are special nooks and crannies in my heart where stories get placed.

So here are my top 5 books ranked from 5 to 1 and why I put them in this order.

#5  Swimming Sideways.


What it's about: Abby Kaiaulu is hiding a secret that a quick internet search has the power to uncover. Since she’s starting over in a new town, she thinks hiding it is the best option. Except secrets never stay hidden, and when she finds herself in between the It Boy at school, Seth Peters, and the school Freak, Gabe Daniels, Abby discovers she’s at the center of a different secret that will unravel the ordinary world of them all.

This is number 5 on my list because something has to be number 5, right? What I love about it: Abby is Hawaiian. That factor alone makes this story appear in the top 5. I love all of the cultural inclusion. I also love how Abby’s story factors into the other two in this series serving as a catalyst. When I think about the 3 Act structure, Abby’s story is an excellent Act 1. 

Why is it number 5? Because I wish I’d been a stronger writer. Abby is great, but I’ve gotten better at writing, character development and narrative structure. I think first books are probably like that for a lot of writers—you see all the ways you can make things better.



#4 The Ugly Truth.

What it’s about: Seth Peters, It Boy at Cantos High School, has been in an accident, or was it? As he fights for his life, he relives the past to make sense of his present, and learns that facing the ugly truth of who we are might be the only way to live an honest future.

This is number 4 on my list because the Cantos Chronicles was always about Seth and Gabe and their friendship. I love how this book sets that up. When I wrote this series, it was always for Seth, which is a weird thing to say. Gabe was always heroic, but Seth wasn’t but I didn’t want him to be a “villain” for the sake of it. I kept thinking about how no one wakes up and thinks: how can I be awful today. There’s always a story. So after writing Swimming Sideways, I wanted to think about why Seth was the way he was. It broke my heart.



#3 The Bones of Who We Are


What it’s about: Gabe Daniels has had a tough life. It got better for a while when he was adopted and had a great best friend, Seth Peters, who understood him. But then it broke apart and he can’t seem to put it back together even with therapy and amazing parents. He’s pretty sure because of the trainwreck his bio-parents started, he was always going to crash. So he walks into the woods with a plan to end it. It’s just that life has other plans…


This was the hardest story I’ve ever written for so many reasons. First of all, the story was so hard. It starts off in a dark place. Second, it moves backward through a timeline which makes it complicated. As a reader we start in the valley with Gabe and as he relives his journey, we vacillate through the highs and lows with him. But I am so freaking proud of this story. 




#2 The Stories Stars Tell

What it’s about: Emma Matthews and Tanner James are each on a journey to redefine who they are based on the boxes they built for themselves in high school. Together, they learn what it means to break down the walls they built to fall in love, to discover who they are, and to decide who they want to be. 


If Gabe’s story was one of the most difficult I’ve ever written, this one was the most fun. Emma discovering her own sexual empowerment despite the purity culture message and Tanner discovering his own emotional empowerment despite the toxically masculine culture he’s been living was magical to write. These characters jumped off the page and that was such a fun place to be as a writer.




#1 In the Echo of this Ghost Town


What it’s about: Griffin Nichols has lost everything since graduation, including his friends, but rather than look at himself, he blames everyone else. Until he meets Maxwell Wallace and she holds up a mirror. When Griffin finally begins to look at himself, the truth of who he was and what his choices have been make him realize he needs to decide who he wants to be.


Why it’s number one on my list: It’s the newest release, yes, but I think in terms of my writing, this one demonstrates the most growth. I am so proud of how I was able to take this flat character from The Stories Stars Tell, and create this dynamic character with depth and complexity. Even better, I was able to find all the ways we could like him, when he wasn’t very likeable. I am so proud of this book. When the Echo Answers didn’t make the list because it’s a companion to this story, but I am really proud of Max’s version of events as well.

Road to Echoes: 8 Tips for Using NaNoWriMo to Write Your Novel

National Novel Writing Month, which happens in November every year, is a massive community of creatives using the time like one giant writing sprint. Millions of people start it, thousands of people finish. What sets those who complete it with those who don’t. No idea. This isn’t that kind of post. Instead, I wanted to examine how using NaNoWriMo 2020 helped me to kickstart In the Echo of this Ghost Town which publishes next month (October 12, 2021).

Look, full transparency, I’ve “won” NaNoWriMo four times (and by “won” I just mean met the 50,000 words written in November goal). So far, though, I haven’t published any of those works. In the Echo of this Ghost Town. with be the first. The other 3 projects need so much more work that I have them in the publishing plan queue for the next few years. This is the first time I met the word count goal and used the momentum to finish the book. Interested in learning more about NaNoWriMo books that have been published? Here’s a blog about it and here’s a reel I made.

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So how did I do it?

  1. Choose a project

    First, I had a project in mind before November even rolled around. I started playing around with Griffin’s story in July 2020. I had a general sense of his character, I had a sense of the conflict and the inciting incident (i.e., the fight with Tanner from The Stories Stars Tell), so when I looked ahead at my schedule, I saw the opportunity to commit to writing forward on the draft in November.


  2. Set an overall goal

    The next thing I did was set an overall goal. NaNoWriMo already has a built in goal of 50,000 words for the month. It’s a great milestone to shoot for it you find that motivating. Word counts are cool and I love recording them and seeing the graph climb each day, but it wasn’t the 50K word count I was shooting for, it was a completed first draft of In the Echo of this Ghost Town. So while NaNoWriMo offers a common finish line for everyone, don’t hesitate to set your own goal based on your needs and the best practices within your own process.


  3. Prepared

    Next, I started November prepared. How prepared? I had done some heavy lifting on my character work (completed a template I made and use for getting to know characters and explore their motivations as well as character interviews of each of the characters I knew). I had several scenes written, a rough understanding of what I thought the story structure would be, and the ability to identify mini goals to help me move forward. Finally, I did some research. For Griffin’s story this meant looking closer at abandonment and male culture. Was I finished with the research by the time I got started in November? No, but I’d gotten started.


  4. Set a daily goal

    Next, to hold myself accountable to the daily grind of writing, I set daily goals. NaNoWriMo does this for us. 1,667 words each day over 30 days to make the 50K mark. So, here’s my truth, I don’t find word counts motivating. Sure, I love watching that graph climb when I enter my word count, but truthfully, when I’m writing to a number, I feel sort of paralyzed and boxed in. What motivates me even more, is making my own visual accountability chart to record and color in my progress filled in with my own personal goals.

    As part of my preparation, I set the first week with goals. These goals are related to story and scene work rather than word counts. So for example, the first day, I might identify “Griffin & Mom” as the goal. I know that means I need to work on developing a scene that explores the dynamic between these characters. So I sit down that day and write to complete that scene. As I write forward, I adjust and modify the daily goals as necessary to keep the forward momentum. And because characters always surprise me, I need to leave room for adaptation.


  5. Sat my butt in the seat and wrote

    This takes commitment and self-discipline. Again. I love to color in my chart., so there’s that for the discipline. But I also know it can be too easy to be like, “Oh I’ll just I write more tomorrow.” I did that for a lot of years (which I think comes down to not having done the preparation). I DO schedule in a few days of non writing (I.e., my birthday [which falls in November], Thanksgiving and the day before are bonus writing days). Just sit down and write.

    Having a finished project as my goal (I.e., Griffin’s story) made it easier. I had an endgame in mind. I had a sense of how to get there. Sitting down everyday to write toward that end didn’t feel so painful.


  6. I am kind to myself

    Sometimes there are horrible writing days. There was a day I only wrote 800 words. It felt like every word I typed were droplets of blood oozing through my fingertips. On those days, it is important to be kind to yourself. There are things I try to jumpstart the creativity. Sometimes I change location; sometimes I change medium (I.e., computer to a handwritten journal) , but there are days NOTHING works. Be kind, set a goal for the next day, and give yourself permission to walk away WITHOUT the negativity.


  7. Wrote forward rather than looking backward

    It is always tempting to reread what I’ve already written. I try to avoid this unless I need to to get started or reacquaint myself with a specific plot point. But usually I avoid this during NaNoWriMo. Instead, I focus on the daily goal and if I’m not sure I write that into the draft and then keep moving forward. That is what revision is for.

    There is one caveat to this: I will reread what I have written each day in order to allow myself the opportunity to flesh out and develop what I started. I tend to underwrite for NaNoWriMo. So I might write an 800 word scene. When I go back through it and add details and find opportunities to add flesh to the page, it becomes clearer (and adds to the word count, obviously).


  8. Celebrated the milestones

    Finally, it’s easy to be negative with ourselves. It’s easy to think, “I wasn’t good enough today,” or “I’m not good enough to do this.” I know these thoughts will happen. They happen to all of us, but when you achieve a goal—whether its one you set for a day, or one you set for the week, or one you’ve asked your CP to hold you accountable to meet—celebrate it! A glass of wine, a night out with your friends, whatever it is, celebrate your writing wins!

An example of handwriting to change my perspective and jumpstart the flow when I’m stuck.

An example of handwriting to change my perspective and jumpstart the flow when I’m stuck.

Ultimately, NaNoWriMo is a personal endeavor. It isn’t a competition with anyone else but rather a chance to face yourself, which is why I say use your strengths and what you find motivating to get to that finish line! If you’re planning on participating, good luck, and come find me so we can be Nano friends (CL Walters). I’ll be working on the second book of my fantasy and will need all the moral support I can get.